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To have the courage to face any fear and challenge with calmness, confidence and clarity and striving for positive change is how we all want to be but what happens when life presents an unexpected (or even expected) challenge and you are faced with adversity that you find it hard to bounce back from.
All of us have certainly faced some unexpected challenges since our lives and our society has changed as we know it since COVID-19 took hold of the world. In fact, life may never be as it was ever again. Some of the changes that were implemented early this year will remain in place even when the threat of this disease is no longer strong.
In reality, most difficult times in our life are associated with loss of some description. Loss can happen in many different ways that almost always leaves you with a sense of grief in some form.
It could be the passing of someone dear to you or your much loved pet, the break-up of a relationship, feelings of betrayal or job loss and redundancy just to cover a few.
Going through tough times is a part of life. During these times you may feel stressed, full of despair, unfocused with cloudy thoughts, helpless, anxious and overwhelmed.
How do you find relief from these emotional feelings and ease some of your inner conflict and distress during these times?
You have two options:
1. You could soldier on and keep on doing what you are doing and try to act strong as if nothing has happened. Shove your emotions to the back of your mind, suppress how you are feeling and tell yourself to toughen up and get going with life; or
2. You could take the pressure off yourself and tune into your heart and soul.
Sit with your feelings for a short time and honour what is actually going on for you (perhaps a day or maybe a week or more). Be kind and gentle and tell YOU that you are OK and you will get through these tough times when you are ready to pick yourself up again.
It is really important to acknowledge how you are actually feeling during this initial time and early stages of emotional upheaval and sadness. Even if you are in a position where you have to be stoic, allow yourself some self-love in private moments and take time for self-reflection. Even allow yourself to cry. Just honour the way you are feeling without restraint and release that some pent-up emotion.
The main thing is to NOT stay in this state for too long as it may become detrimental to you and you may unknowingly train your mind to stay sad. This is easier than you think as the human mind finds it easier to be drawn to the negative than the positive. If you stay sad for too long, you rewire your brain and create a new brain pattern by forming new synapses prone to sadness
You have the ability to step up and do something to reduce the impact of a stressful situation. Start to eventually up-level your emotions and deal with any inner conflict that is impacting your life.
Be accepting that some tough times are inevitable and decide that you need to now be stronger, more courageous an empowered to pick yourself up again.
1. Choose Happiness and Self-Love
Happiness is a choice! Practice gratitude and focus on all the good things that you DO have in your life. Restructure your thoughts and reframe your negative thoughts into a positive view of the same issue, particularly whenever negative emotions arise in response to possible stress-provoking events. Write it down if this will make it clearer for you.
Your attitude will help to shape your reactions to stressors.
2. Get Lots of Rest First, Then Get Up and Get Strong
Good sleep will always help get calm. As you sleep, you release hormones that slow breathing, lower blood pressure naturally and reduce stress putting you in a better mood and relaxes uptight muscles.
“Whenever I felt really down, the first thing I would do is to go to the gym or go for a walk in nature.”
Working out and lifting some weights will always make you feel empowered and strong in mind and body. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-elevating chemicals. Just get moving and you WILL feel stronger and happier. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself.
1. Be with the People You Trust
Surround yourself with those you love or pick up the phone and call a close friend. Choose people who you know will listen and let you share your emotions and feelings. You will always feel better after a supportive chat.
2. Put on Your Favourite Music… and Dance!
Dance like no one is watching! It’s the best medicine and guaranteed to make you feel happy inside. Then put the funniest movie or comedy session on your television and have a laugh. Know that sadness is temporary and although, it may fleet back into your thoughts from time to time this is normal. You are OK.
5. Eat Something Healthy
Be kind to your body and your mind will reward you with good health and happiness. It is so tempting to eat ‘comfort junky food’ during hard times but the high fat, salt and sugar content of these foods will keep you in a slump for longer.
When you eat sugary food, did you know that your immune system lowers for the next four hours making you more susceptible to catching viruses and bacterial infections? Think back and remember if you became sick after the last time you had a sugar binge?
Fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds, legumes, pulses are always healthy choices. Make yourself a healthy shake and fill your body with life-giving nutrients. You will feel like a winner!
6. Take Deep Breaths
In Chinese medicine, sadness and grief stagnates in the lungs. This is why when we are sad we tend to take short, shallow breaths and we often feel (and perhaps look) hunched over and we tend to ‘close off our chest’ from the world in a psychologically protective way.
When you feel down, focus on your breathing and take long, slow deep breaths. Visualize inhaling the good energy in and exhaling any negative thoughts out.
You will be amazed at how invigorating yet calming this exercise is.
7. Spend Time with Animals
Pets are so therapeutic and they will nearly always provide you with an unconditional love response to brighten you up. They are very intuitive and smart and they can sense when you are sad. Animals will always melt away your stress and sadness.
8. Reward Yourself, Be Spontaneous and Go for an Adventure
Do something that you have never done before! I remember one time when I felt down-hearted, I picked up the phone and enrolled in pole dancing classes for a term.
I just felt like I had to do something completely different that I had never done before…something new where I could not compare anything from my past. It definitely got me dancing, moving and grooving with no negativity in sight…just lots of bruises!
Maybe this is not your bag, but you get the idea. Go for a road trip to somewhere different, start planning a holiday to a place you have always wanted to go, visit your salon for some pampering or buy a new outfit. Do anything that makes you feel great or even better, do something that makes someone else feel great.
Do something spontaneous, exciting and out-of-the-norm for you and your mood will surely lift…and you will meet new people too.
9. Keep an Emotions Journal.
Write out how you feel and get your thoughts and feelings out of your head. You will instantly feel lighter and better. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and any sadness in both your mind and your body. Write down how it actually feels. It is such a therapeutic thing to do.
Suddenly, you don’t have constant head chatter racing around in your mind anymore weighing you down and keeping you stuck and overwhelmed.
When you look at your thoughts on paper, they don’t seem as bad and you may start to feel a sense of calm. Keeping your emotions bottled up will intensify your feelings possibly adding to your anxiety, panic and sense of being out of control.
Look over your Emotions Journal with self-love. When you can find a small ‘gold nugget’ amongst the ‘gravel and grit’ you wrote, then what you have experienced will take on a strengthening outlook for you.
You will become stronger because of what you are going through…although it may not seem that way right now. We would never learn anything if life was always rainbows.
10. Find Inspiration in the Words of Others
Words are so powerful, motivational, inspirational and healing. Read a motivational story, a biography or autobiography of someone you admire or watch a TEDX film clip. There are so many inspiring people in the world. Just tap into their energy and draw wisdom from them. Close your eyes and ‘walk in their shoes’ in your thoughts. Think of all the things you admire about them and see the same qualities within you.
11. Recognize Your Strengths
Write down a list of all of your accomplishments and big moments! This will prove to you just how skilled you are and, perhaps the difference you can make to others. When you can see how much you have done and how well you did, you will be motivated to get back into life again.
If life still overwhelms you and you feel stuck, fearful, anxious and out of control and not able to cope with everyday life, it may be time to consider not going it alone.
If your sadness and emotional stress is continually preventing you from participating in life, performing everyday simple functions and keeping you in a rut that you can’t seem to emerge from, then it is time you received some guidance to find the calm and clarity you need. Seek some professional help.
If this is you, as a Creatrix® Transformologist® and Naturopath, I regularly see women who are just like you. They are stuck in both the emotional and physical sense and find it hard to face the day.
They want to get over their sadness, fear and self-doubt and get back into the joy of living. This is especially true for those who have a genius zone that they want to share and make a difference to others in this world in the way that they want to with confidence and clarity.
I help these women to ‘unlearn’ all their issues at the very root of the cause and recode their way of thinking to long-lasting positivity and motivation with much higher emotional and mental intelligence.
When their mind is clear most often their bodies start to heal. Every emotion we feel is stored somewhere in the body and when the connection is made real healing begins to occur.
Once passion and purpose are restored, goals and dreams become possible together with the return of happiness resulting in emotional liberation and freedom.
Nothing has an emotional charge anymore that is enough to stop you in your tracks and stop you from any path that you are on in life.
Once the mind is clear then I put on my ‘Naturopath’s Hat’ and work with her to boost her health, vitality and well-being for ultimate energy and empowerment…and her success in my success.
Their time has come to shine and all their dreams are on their way.
Leanne Boyd
